february blues

am i the blessing that fucked up?

she came one winter morning that felt like spring

and that song was playin — if you’re goin to san francisco…

and she was wearin cardigans and sweaters and love

but february made me shiver

and shrug it all off until she turned a cold shoulder

so i’ll explain to the unjudging page

like i told her  i can’t turn these feelings on and off

i mean you can always choose to pursue something

but that doesn’t mean you have feelings

which is why i want something light and fun with him

i know if i go all in with you right now it’ll be over

i’ll ruin things or fuck up or it’ll be perfect

so i lie and say i’m out of love instead

and of course you’re quick to believe

i guess i didn’t think you’d be that quick

man i don’t even have deep feelings for him

that’s one thing i hate about stanford

everyone thinks they are so, so smart

ready to psychoanalyze me when they barely know me

even my best friends — you’ve only known me a few weeks

get out of my head with your high and mighty

narcissism

i just wanna get out of here

smoke on the train, hook up get lost feel fuzzy

cuz i can’t brush my teeth after a night spent smokin

i wonder what chaos i could cause, just to feel something

just to feel in that special way on a different plane

the way i feel unsafe and take acid dropping like bombs

on your life

and then there are the calm ones who make coffee and love

like it’s june all the time

but i can taste february blues on your arms

come,  let me take your pain away