The Roman Bath House
Ever since this happened breathing has felt difficult and heart beat uneven, like I’m drowning in imagined water.
you know the burning itch
at the back of your throat
tickle before a cough
feather before death
feathers brushing every aspect of your skin
feathers digging deep below the surface
feathers eating you like mice and insects
feathers are lice in your hair pulling you to the ground
you know pain in small spots can stop your life
in its tracks
get something in your eye
scratch on your throat
it’s with you all day
every day
all the way down
to dark
it’s like those thoughts
burning through your core
feathers are on fire feathers are water
feathers are pillows suffocating my face
suffocation hits all of you, you know
you feel like it’s just the pillow on your face but it’s
the pillow on your soul
not the water in your throat
but in your eyes and ears and slowing down your limbs
it’s the water in your brain that seeps in
thickening rather than thinning
water is thick like honey covered in mold
are you a rock climber?
you’d need to be to get out of the spiral.
maybe if I were a proper Roman warrior
what do you call that?
gladiator
I’m not glad the water is digging into my feet and arms finding its way all through my body
I’m in a bowl and all about the lip
roman spectators
is this a funny take on the Roman baths
they’ve got their robes pulled up
for the bath house
children crying echoes off the stones I think
but I don’t know because my ears are full of water
there’s a bridge
there are steps
I see them upside down
can you cross a watery bridge reflection to get away
can you dig your way up the rocks and out of the bath house
or is that a mirror
on the stony ceiling
glass ceilings
glass windows
people see out but can’t get there
swimming under the steps
you’re used to walking upright
it’s strange to not
it’s strange to float upside down under the steps
it’s strange to feel footsteps on your head
through the water
where are your tiger’s eye fears lining the rough sandstone
where are your amethyst pains lacing the floor
why is the beige rock turning before my eyes
what is the sapphire water doing to my breath
I breath in sharp little crystals that press against every inch of me
drowning is supposed to be painful
but it’s not
somehow if you know you’re drowning it hurts less
if you want it to
but everything around me is turning to bright colors
the rainbow flags they put in coffee shop windows curtain my eyelashes
teeth set against the sapphires rubies floating from my feet as I
float
