anxiety

i can’t sleep

my hands are shaking too much

the little clock i didn’t buy

keeps ticking on my nightstand

and the thoughts in my head

won’t stop rushing

it’s like that time we were together

in your car and all i could think about

were all the ways you could crash it

and all the ways it would be my fault

and the you that’s you

inside my head that you says

don’t worry chaidie and puts an arm

all the way around my shoulder

and the me that’s me inside my head

starts crying so hard

and then the me that’s me

i’m crying in the back seat

and on my bed trying to breathe

evenly to four ticks in four ticks out

of the clock that’s not mine

crying because what if when

i wake up tomorrow

i don’t recognize this room again?

because i’ve slept in so many beds

and my heart will start to beat

so fast that my breath won’t

be able to keep up it’ll get caught

but everything else will rush

by so fast and i won’t

be able to think about anything but

making it stop pressing pause

sharp blades weed and poetry

and maybe this time when the clock hands

pass around 4 o’clock again

and freeze when i smash

its pretty glass face against the wall

maybe then my hands will stop shaking too